As a recent college grad, in July I moved out of state with no money to go to grad school. Grad school fell through. No job in sight. Family and friends of twenty years 1200 miles away.

I've never been more grateful.

He's killing ME off slowly but surely, and has given me the best community of NEW friends and family to walk with me through this. I've never been happier in my life. I've wanted God to work in my life for years, and now that I've finally gotten out of the way, He is. I am so excited!

Reply

Tray,

You know my story but for others who may not be familiar with me here's the Cliff's Notes version

About a year into our marriage I discovered that my husband was hiding a severe addiction to sex and pornography. I was devastated. He and I struggled with guilt, denial, blame, and his protecting his addiction for the better part of a year. I never thought we would we able to sort through what had become of our marriage.

I desperately wanted him to find "the cure" for his addiction, not because I wanted him to be well, rather I reasoned that the sooner this was behind us the sooner we could pretend it never happened. I needed to hide our shame. I am so glad that God doesn't do things my way and walked us though the difficult process of bringing truth into light. There is something to be said for submitting to the process.

I have learned so much about myself during the past 10 years. I joke that he and I are much cooler and more fun than we were when we got married. But really that's true. We are both more authentic and truthful. More confident and hopeful. And we are incredibly blessed, blessed to have been through it and blessed to be sharing our experience of addiction, grace, and recovery with others.

Ours is a story of redemption and it is beautiful!

Reply

This concept is one that I embrace, completely. There is this crippling belief that God is not in the conflict. But, how are we to be broken, die to 'self' and grow in grace? These all stem from pain…conflict.

'They don't call it death for dramatic flair.' -Grace Is For Sinners

Thanks, Traylor

Reply

It's something to recognize your cocoon when you are still inside. Conflict equals cocoon for me. Going through events you never imagined would color your own life can produce a lot of pain and I've discovered that, for me, the conflict comes when I struggle to climb or scale it like a mountain rather than submit to it like a caterpillar submits to its cocooning . . . or I find myself between the two choices, trying to somehow hold on to both.

Experiencing pain without embracing it's purpose feels like a wandering in the wilderness but embracing pain with trust in its purpose means embracing the cocoon. Trusting what I don't understand in the dark . . . that beauty I can't imagine is also bringing freedom I couldn't attain without its process of pain.

And we go through a lot of cocoons . . . : )

Reply

Being from the beach and loving raw oysters I like to think of conflict like that grain of sand that through years of agitation produces in the rare oyster a priceless and beautiful pearl. All oysters are unappealing from the outside, and many reject them seeing the slimy inside.It would sound ridiculous to us for oysters to compare beauty on either account. However, we do it every day in every relationship. We compare our crusty outsides and slimy insides, and compete with others creating constant human conflict on every level of every relationship.
But it's in the innermost part, the hidden part where God works in oysters and people. Mysteriously, and wonderfully God will create priceless beauty in the Spirit of His child. We cannot even see our innermost sanctuary where Jesus lives, yet He meets us there—the place where we feel the most unlovable–when we call on Him in honest surrender. Without honest surrender, from this innermost part of who we are, we stand in conflict with others and God in the human quest to create our own place in the world. We relentlessly pursue safety and significance by winning conflicts in relationships.

It's in this inner most place where Jesus comes to use our conflict with the world, sin, and evil forces to produce the beautiful glory of God. And it's the place where Jesus comes to redeem with His unconditional love. So, yes only conflict resolved by surrender can produce beauty. It takes more time than we can comprehend, and deeper conflict than we can endure alone to produce the priceless and beautiful pearl of the image of Jesus. So, only through honest surrender to Him can conflict produce beauty.
… See More
Like on some college essay exams, I'm hoping the longest answer wins. lol:)

Reply

I could tell you a story of how God restored my marriage from ashes; made it into something of wonder and beauty and awe. But that pales in comparison to the work He is doing in me now; and I am thankful to have stopped by today to see words of encouragement that the journey will be worth it. Because in the end, I will have found true trust in God and true surrender of my heart. Not the throwing of my sin at Him, kicking and screaming for Him to take it; but rather a receiving of peace, of love, of mercy despite my sin. And what can be more beautiful then that?

Reply

Thank you so much for your courage, humility, transparency and grace to share your recovery testimony. ~ I am honored, inspired and encouraged as I complete my Book of deliverance and healing through God's amazing grace.

Your sharing about embracing conflict certainly resonates with me. ~ I am reminded how many years I ran from conflict and myself. ~ What I discovered was that when I stopped running, I discovered He in me and a thirst to 'embrace conflict' as a blessing.

In Christ,
~ Nancy

Reply

Hi Traylor,
My wife is a picture of beauty to me resulting from pain and conflict. She grew up as a pk (pastor's kid) and was sexually abused by three abusers. She was moved by her parents against her will to the mission field at 16, and in an attempt to control SOMETHING in her life, she became anorexic. And on top of that, having vowing never to marry a pastor or even date anyone from the country where they were, she married a national who was preparing for a life in ministry

She went on to have two miscarriages, multiple home break-ins, a rock thrown through her windshield as she was driving, a severely ill child, and a husband who had a mistress in their marriage. The mistress was the ministry (church). All of this and much more resulted in my bride becomming suicidal – with a husband unable to "fix" her.

Now, eight years later, in a ministry that ministers to ministry families, she says that "all things are of God" (2 Cor 5:18). Brokenness that led to surrender, which led to her experiencing Jesus expressing His life through hers has been nothng less than miraculous and beautiful.

Every day I get to see her shine.

Pain, conflict, and beauty. Thank you, Father.

Reply

So who won? There were some amazing stories on this post. Wow!

Reply

Sorry folks for the delayed announcement on the winner of the autographed copy of "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years". Rick Blackerby takes home the prize on this one. Congrats Rick!

Thank you to everyone who commented! If you don't have the book yet, go get it! Today! Don't wait!

Traylor

Reply

You are most welcome, Stu! Great stuff, no doubt. Glad you enjoyed it.

Reply