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Dockers Manifesto
Posted by: Traylor Lovvorn
Posted date:
December 14, 2009 |
36 Comments
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A got an email this morning that contained a link to Dockers’ new ad campaign “Wear the Pants.” In case you can’t read the graphic above, here’s the copy…
“Once upon a time, men wore the pants, and wore them well. Women rarely had to open doors and little old ladies never crossed the street alone. Men took charge because that’s what they did. But somewhere along the way, the world decided it no longer needed men. Disco by disco, latte by foamy non-fat latte, men were stripped of their khaki’s and left stranded on the road between boyhood and androgyny. But today, there are questions our genderless society has no answers for. The world sits idly by and cities crumble, children misbehave and those little old ladies remain on one side of the street. For the first time since bad guys, we need heroes. We need grown-ups. We need men to put down the plastic fork, step away from the salad bar and untie the world from the tracks of complacency. It’s time to get your hands dirty. It’s time to answer the call of manhood. It’s time to wear the pants.”
Answering the call of manhood.
I don’t know a man who, if asked, doesn’t diligently and desperately want to answer the call of manhood and to make his life count. The problem in our culture is that we have allowed manhood and masculinity to be watered down and tempered to the point that many men…especially Christian men…feel ashamed that they are men. The “gentle Jesus, meek and mild” refrain of the last two decades has left men not knowing what to do with courage, strength, and righteous anger. C.S. Lewis spoke to a similar situation in his day. In The Abolition of Man
“We make men without chests [hearts] and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.”
Because by and large our spirituality is defined by what we don’t do (especially here in the Bible belt), men are often unsure about what true masculinity looks like. So afraid of stepping out of bounds with their behavior, many Christian men have checked their hearts at the door and are left as empty shells lacking passion and fervor to do anything. We paste on feeble smiles and sit mildly on the sidelines, vowing not to cause any trouble.
Dockers obviously wants more men to buy their slacks and is obviously playing off of the age old question of who is wearing the pants in the home. But what an indictment! Could you imagine this ad campaign being used during World War I and World War II?
But today, there are questions our genderless society has no answers for.
We have the answers to our culture’s questions, but trying to answer them from the genderless paradigm simply won’t work. The Church must courageously redefine this paradigm and champion the glorious differences in how we were created…male and female. Different doesn’t imply one is better than the other.
Men, we need a new manifesto!
So what is the call to manhood? What injustices in our society need to be fought against with a strength and courage that is anything but mild? In what ways is today’s message to men a form of castration?
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About the author
Traylor Lovvorn
Traylor was married for 11 years before his secret struggle with pornography and sexual addiction ripped his family apart, leaving his wife Melody and 4 children to try to figure out what had happened to Daddy. After 6 years of divorce and much counseling and recovery, God miraculously restored his family and he and Melody were re-married in 2008.
Traylor was married for 11 years before his secret struggle with pornography and sexual addiction ripped his family apart, leaving his wife Melody and 4 children to try to figure out what had happened to Daddy. After 6 years of divorce and much counseling and recovery, God miraculously restored his family and he and Melody were re-married in 2008.
36 Comments
Traylor Lovvorn
Thank you!
Michelle Brown
I think it's interesting that Dockers put the ideas out there – about men having lost their healthy masculine souls.
What's a woman to do about it? Especially if she's had to be the one to "wear the pants" because the men in her life have insisted on "boy shorts" and refused to be other than domineering and abusive, or passive/agressive, or selfish and childish.
I'm in my 40's, and I have an incredibly difficult time respecting men in general because from the time I was an infant most, if not all, of the men in my life have been weak. There was no strength offered. The strength that was offered was brittle. It was hollow. It was a lie. That's been my personal experience – before becoming a Christian and, sadly, since. I know that I am not alone in this. There are a lot of women out there, just like me, who have had to be our own heroes.
Women have had to "wear the pants" because someone had to. Personally, I don't want to feel like I have to "man up" anymore, but I will if I must. But…what if nobody "wears the pants"?
Traylor Lovvorn
Michelle-
Great comment and great questions! I hope that other ladies will respond and offer insight as well.
I wrote a post years ago after my divorce called Jesus and Fight Club. In that post, I share how my own "niceness" and buying into the "gentle Jesus, meek and mild" Savior ultimately led to my divorce. In that post I said "The bitch comes out in a woman when the man is not being the man." I still believe this is true…meaning women resent having to step into the vacuum created when a man is not leading well and exercising his God-given strength.
Michelle Brown
I agree with your statement, "The bitch comes out in a woman when the man is not being the man." I think it gets really, really hard when you've got a generation of women who are raised, trained and praised for being bitches. I don't know that we know how to be soft and warm, much less that we trust that being soft and warm is actually a good thing.
Traylor Lovvorn
I think it has to start with men leading courageously. Sometimes the courage that is needed is standing up when a woman is nagging. A man's passivity causes deep insecurity for a woman and she will often pick, pick, pick until the warrior erupts. Once he does, I believe that there is a part of a woman that says "Ahhh…there he is."
Men need to step in and lead before it gets to that. Unfortunately the Church's message to men is basically to be plain vanilla and not Rocky Road. We need to give men permission to step into their God-given masculinity. The Jewish hair-model Jesus (as my friend Paul Coughlin puts it) must be replaced with the flesh-and-blood Jesus of the New Testament. He was tender AND tough and not peace at all costs.
Michelle Brown
Personally, my favorite image of Jesus has always been the whip-wielding warrior who said "Time's up!" and got busy. He took action. It wasn't just a bunch of talk.
Traylor Lovvorn
Absolutely. What is interesting about what happened at the temple was that no one tried to stop him.
Sara
Hi. Found you through Michelle.
I am not a fan of insecure men hyped up on ego, but a strong man living life with a clear purpose is gorgeous indeed. I am lucky enough to have one of those men as a dad, and another as a husband, and still more as brothers-in-law and uncles and cousins and friends. This is the work of Christ in my life and in my family's life.
Frankly I have a million thoughts on this topic. Christians complain about women "leaving the home". Honestly, I think men did it first. I think it was one of the affects of easy and quick transportation on society – men could get jobs in a city and live in the suburbs. Before that, families had to be a team for survival. Women weren't bored weaklings at home. They had to be strong capable team members if their families wanted to eat. Men and women had to work together to run a family business or farm…at home…together. When men left, women were left behind with machinery to do what used to be hard work. No wonder they were bored and left too. I don't say this to think we should all go live on a farm…however, I do think couples should seriously look at their lives together and ask if they're on the same team. Do they have a purpose they're working toward together? This is what makes life meaningful.
For whatever it's worth, if men are going to wear pants, there are sexier options out there than dockers. 
Traylor Lovvorn
Thanks for your thoughts, Sara.
God created us to enjoy an adventure together and that adventure has risks and rewards. Intimacy with our spouse takes risks. Men must step into courage and strength and engage their wife's heart.
The problem is that our culture doesn't teach men how to properly handle their own heart…much less how to pursue another's heart. As a result, men often kill off their heart and live strictly from their heads. This is "safe".
The heart does go away, however…it goes underground. This discussion is at the heart of our culture's porn epidemic. Men are not living courageous lives by and large, and are shrinking into the shadows. We risk nothing with pornography…she is always smiling…always there for us on our timetable…always looking pristine.
The Church must stop sanctifying mildness and start encouraging men to be courageous in all our endeavors.
@coveredindust
Tray!
I joined the discussion on Twitter then kept it going on FB and decided to bring it here. In fact, I'm so charge up about this that I am about to go make a post myself.
So here's what I Tweeted and the corresponding FB comment that I made:
"RT @BrilliantSass: @tlovvorn Much easier said than done. 
What happens if nobody wears the pants?// results in a lot of cold ppl."
"Men have abandoned the masculine soul that God planted within them. Commitment means very little these days in our disposable, upgrade-oriented society. Don't like your job, get a new one. Don't like your car, get a new one. Don't like your wife, get a new one. This is not God's best and men need to take the initiative to sacrifice FOR their family again and fight FOR their woman."
My Twitter comment was as literal as it was metaphorical. If no one will step up and wear the pants we are left with a very cold society devoid of any real substance because of the emasculation of men. Men unwilling to risk. Men who see woman as the next conquest. Women don't need to be conquered; they need a conqueror. They need a man who can harness the strength that God intended for him and use it to bring compassion. There is no room for the weak. There is no room for the mild.
This topic hits WAY to close to home for me as one recovering from the white-washed, castrated, safety bubble, "good guy" Christian life.
Great post brother!
Peace.
dave
Traylor Lovvorn
Absolutely, Dave! If you haven't already read it, make sure you get a copy of Paul Coughlin's "No More Christian Nice Guy." We have him coming to do a conference at Oak Mountain Church in April called "Man Up: Redefined". The entire conference will be about courage and what it looks like to step into our God-given strength.
Maybe you and Michael Warden could make a roadtrip and join us!
@coveredindust
I'll make my best plea!
Michelle Brown
"Men unwilling to risk. Men who see woman as the next conquest. Women don't need to be conquered; they need a conqueror. They need a man who can harness the strength that God intended for him and use it to bring compassion. There is no room for the weak. There is no room for the mild." Love this!!
There's also no room for talking smack. So much of what I've seen is men talking about it but not actually stepping up. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to go to particular guys in leadership and say, "Man up. You talk like you think you're a great warrior but when one is actually needed the women have had to do the dirty work."
@coveredindust
"Man up"- I've actually had to say this in the past several months. "Smack talk" you mean empty strength? The poser is one who thinks that talk equals strength. Talk is only as valid as the actions that support the words. Period.
Again, I'm just a recovering warrior-poet child myself…. but regardless of my own deficiencies, God has faithfully fathered me for years to create in me the heart of Jesus. It has been painful and continues to be painful but I am more man today than I have ever been and it is evident in my marriage.
Makeda
Fantastic post Tray and great conversation happening here. It's a shame that Dockers has figured out what the church hasn't seemed to wrap its head around completely yet, the idea that men need to be men. However, because most men have had poor role models we cannot just expect them to be men without teaching them what that means and what that looks like. Women also need to be taught how to honor the men in our lives so they feel safe enough to step outside what they have taught is the norm. Good stuff here.
@coveredindust
Right on!
Michelle Brown
Agreed!
Sara
I feel like a woman learning to honor the man in her life starts first with her 100% finding her identity in Christ. Then that deep place in her heart that longs for intimacy will be satisfied. At that point she is free to walk alongside her man free of the unrealistic expectation that he will perfectly love her. There is grace for him to take a risk of leading with the room for failure. And there is grace in the failure to encourage him to stand up and try again.
sarah mae
Yes and AMEN!
Traylor Lovvorn
Very well said, Sara.
Traylor Lovvorn
Great point, Makeda. There are so many men who are boys in adult bodies trying to figure things out on their own. We all need authentic community where we can connect at weaknesses and not feel like we have to have it all together or have all the answers.
Thanks for the comment!
sarah mae
I like men who act like men (such as my husband), but we women must back down if our men are to be men. I am a naturally domineering personality, but I have to temper it, step back, so my husband can step forward. A strong woman who knows how to be the support of her husband instead of the leader – in this she will find great challenge, but also great reward. Deep down, I think all women want an earthly savior.
Did you really say "bitch?" Don't like that so much.
Traylor Lovvorn
Ok…maybe bitch was a bit strong, but what I was really trying to do was take responsibility for where she was. Because of my passivity and lack of leadership, she had to step into places that she should not have had to step into.
elizabeth t.
As Dan Allender, my professor in seminary would say, all humans, made in the image of God, are called to be “strong” and “tender.” (Psalm 62:11-12). When we say men don’t have to be ‘nice guys’ to be Christian, it is true, but let’s not confuse the point and suggest they have to be or ‘grizzly’ or climb mountains, or shoot black bears.
I think Scripture gives a pretty clear picture of the calling of manhood – to be, as my beloved seminary professor taught us, ‘strong,’ and ‘tender,’ just like God. God is described as a warrior; God is described as a ‘mother hen shielding her chicks.’ Jesus is tender and gentle with the hemorrhaging woman; he is a little tougher with the woman at the well; he is downright rude to the Pharisees (at least, his disciples think so.)
If we look at the story of Adam and Eve, we see where men’s failure most often lies, and we see the crux of the Fall in relationships between men and women. Men fail when they are silent. Women need men to speak into their lives, firmly and tenderly. Women need an invitation to ‘come home.’ Women need men to gently, playfully, draw them back to the Face of God. Let me give a common example.
I come in after a long, lousy day, and the kitchen is a wreck. My family can see the explosion mounting – my face reddens, my neck swells as air enters my throat, rising to my head. Run, or duck, if you’re smart. What I need is for my husband to come to me and speak. “Elizabeth, it looks like you’ve had a long day. Why don’t you come in here and let me get you a glass of tea,wine, or (something stronger depending on the day).” I need my husband not to be afraid of me. I need him to say without saying, “You don’t have to sin. And if you do, I will love you and forgive you.” That is, at least in part, the calling of manhood.
Traylor Lovvorn
Great example, Elizabeth!
Michelle Brown
I love what you say here, Elizabeth.
Tiger Wooods
<a href="http://www.mensnewsdaily.com” target=”_blank”>www.mensnewsdaily.com
<a href="http://www.mensactivism.com” target=”_blank”>www.mensactivism.com
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/pinegrove33” target=”_blank”>www.youtube.com/user/pinegrove33
Tiger Wooods
Shunned again.
Traylor Lovvorn
I tried to email you at the address you included in your post and discovered that it is bogus like your name. I'd be glad to discuss these issue with you, but I am not going to allow anyone to post ideas and hide. If you want to discuss, please email me.
Tiger Woods
The email address is not bogus. It may have been inactive because I do not normally use it as I am not going to post a feminist rant with my work email.
My name is as irrelevant as Elizabeth T. Glad to see you and Dockers addressing the issue though. But I did think the Tiger Woods name was really good considering the topic and the treatment he has gotten because you know his wife is as innocent and pure as the wind driven snow Basically what I meant by Tiger Woods is that you will be tarred and feathered to keep the eyes off of the problems with women and the farse they are perpetuating. I have been and will be again.
Fight the good fight.
Traylor Lovvorn
I'd love to discuss these ideas further with you. You can email me at traylor@traylorlovvorn.com. Thanks for commenting.
Gabrielle Angel
Hi, I was wondering if you had a better link to the post you called "Fight Club and Jesus". You referenced it earlier. I clicked on the link you provided but it keeps coming back to this page. I also did a general google search with your name and the title of the post but nothing came up. I would like to read it if you still have it posted somewhere.
Thank you. Enjoyed this post as well.
Gabrielle Angel
Sorry, it worked this time around. Thanks anyway!
Traylor Lovvorn
Great Gabrielle! Not sure what happened the first time. Glad you enjoyed.
Dockers Manifesto « Outword Blog
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About Us
Hi, we are Traylor and Melody Lovvorn and we were married for 11 years before sexual addiction and infidelity ripped our family apart. By God’s grace, our family was reconciled in 2008. Hang out here for awhile and you’ll discover how this miracle happened. Learn more about us…
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Nice post.