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I have been thinking about redesigning the layout of this blog for a month or so now and yesterday I took the plunge and made it happen. It isn’t completely where I want it to be, but I like where things are headed with the layout.

Wordpress makes it very easy to change the look of your blog…you simply find a theme that you like and presto…a brand new design appears. After I found a theme that I liked, I spent most of my time yesterday trying to find just the right image for the Reflections of a Ragamuffin header.

As I was searching online for just the right image, I started thinking about growth, and specifically, new growth in the Christian life. The word seedling came to mind and I immediately typed the word “seedling” into my search. The third image option I was given is the image I went with for the header. Take a moment and click the thumbnail in this post to see the entire image.

I see so much of my story in this beautiful picture. For 30 years of my life, I meticulously managed my reputation and tried to pretend that I had no brokenness…no cracks…no chinks in my armor. I felt it was my calling and my duty to ensure that, while I knew I was not perfect, to do everything I could to portray a persona that was as close to perfect as possible until I fixed (in secret, of course) all those pesky places that were anything but perfect. My reasoning was if I could fix all my shortcomings in secret then no one would ever know about my weaknesses and I could really be a superstar for Jesus. Frankly, I was nothing more than an imposter.

My entire life was spent playing to my strengths while covering up, minimizing, and mitigating my weaknesses. Somewhere along the way, I lost who I really was.

Paul’s 2nd letter to the church at Corinth had always bugged me. Why would he spend so much time dwelling on weakness?

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.
2 Corinthians 11:30

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

It wasn’t until God lovingly exposed my deep, dark secrets that I began to understand what Paul was talking about.

Take another look at the photo of the seedling. It is stunning. The contrast between the dark, hard, cold stone and the tender, supple seedling is gorgeous.  As I sat staring at the photo yesterday, I realized something important…

The growth was possible because the broken places were exposed to the light.

For thirty years I lived with secrets…dutifully hiding my own brokenness behind masks of pseudo-kindness, painted on humility, and manufactured strength. Somewhere along the way I picked up the idea that the fruit of the Spirit was actually my fruit that I needed to produce myself as a thank You to God for saving me.

Everything was about me and my reputation.

And God loved me enough to expose me. Over and over. Again and again.

Every time I retreated to the dark places of my sexual addiction, Jesus would find me and expose me. It was embarrassing and humiliating and often, rather than embrace his love and affection, I would vow to hide better next time and retreat further into the shadows.

But He kept finding me and rescuing me and over time, I began to feel more comfortable in the Light. As I held firmly to the wonderfully scandalous Gospel…that He loves me just as I am, cracks and all…I began to realize that, because this was true, there was really nothing I needed to hide from Him. I could boldly and courageously step into the Light because He already knew it all and simply loved me. Bringing my brokenness into the Light began a deep healing of my wounded heart and soul. Pornography had rendered me an empty shell of a man and I began to feel myself come alive again.

So what about you? What secrets are you afraid to bring into the Light? What masks are you hiding behind to cover up your own brokenness?

64015 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.ragamuffinreflections.com%2F2010%2F04%2F14%2Fgrowth-in-the-broken-places%2FGrowth+in+the+Broken+Places2010-04-14+09%3A19%3A13Traylor+Lovvornhttp%3A%2F%2Ftraylorlovvorn.com%2F%3Fp%3D640

Jay Cookingham

Every time I want to hide I remember this Scripture…"Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed." Proverbs 12:19 (New Living Translation). Great post bro'

Peace,
Jay

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Traylor Lovvorn

Thanks, Jay! And thank you for sharing that passage.

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JasonWert

I love the new look. The picture is striking.

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Traylor Lovvorn

Thanks Jason!

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Aaron Reddin

Very great post. The sentence that you placed in bold was very striking! "The growth was possible because the broken places were exposed to the light."

Brilliant!

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Traylor Lovvorn

Thanks your your comment, Aaron. Please check back often. God bless.

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Traylor Lovvorn

Thanks your your comment, Aaron. Please check back often. God bless.

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@nicolewick

A wonderful post we always. The makes I used to hide behind are to many to list. I like to think that I've stripped them all away and live transparently and authentically. The old masks pop up from time to time in certain situations but it's all a process.

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Traylor Lovvorn

Thank you, Nicole! You are definitely correct…it is a process indeed. And most of the time, we don't like that fact. We want to find the formula that will change us once and for all and will completely do away with our pain.

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Makeda

I like the new look. Great pic of you and your wife too. I loved this post. What a fantastic reminder of the persistence of God's love for us. Thanks for the reminder. I needed it tonight.

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Makeda

I like the new look. Great pic of you and your wife too. I loved this post. What a fantastic reminder of the persistence of God's love for us. Thanks for the reminder. I needed it tonight.

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tlovvorn

Thank you and you are more than welcome!

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@wackywilliams

thank you so much for this post!! I hid behind being a work horse, stong with no weaknesses, relible, tough as nails. for about 32 years. & I didn't even relise I had no clue who I am, what I like ext. till about 2-3 years ago. I always felt like slug slime but also thought highly of myself becuse I figered even though I knew I wasn't saved I felt in many ways I repersented christ better then the majorty of christions, I wasn't jugementil

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@wackywilliams

(exsept of leaglistic christions & myself) I looked at everyones point of view as valed (exsept mine) & I lisoned & was sympethectic to others hurts, fears & doubts ( I never lisoned to mine). now I am a 35 yer old tired, beat down, confused, & severly wounded 5 month old struggling christion, that is amased daliy, by a new emotion I'm not sure of the name let alone how to cope with, that I don't know what my faverte coler, food, or type of clothing is! I have reasently relised that I felt so dirty, weak, & wanted nobody including God to find out that I hid so well that I would not even allow myself to know my hurts, disires & dreams, I would only allow what fit with the imige. thanks again this came at great timming as I try to trust God enough to show me who I really am & who he want's me to really be. sorry for the leagth

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