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It is hard to believe that Melody and I are fast approaching the third anniversary of our remarriage. I was re-reading the transcript from our ceremony that our pastor, Bob Flayhart, officiated. The second part of his charge to us is powerful and definitely not easy to carry out in our marriages. It is so much easier and more satisfying to focus on our spouse’s sin instead of allowing God to deal with our sinful reaction to their sin. All of us want renewed intimacy in our marriage. I think that Bob’s words here can help so many couples who are right now at an impasse in their relationship…

Secondly, forgive as you have been forgiven.  Your dad’s prayer was perfect.  See, little tiny sinners only need a little tiny savior.  And little tiny sinners who need little tiny saviors only extend a little tiny forgiveness.  But the great big sinners who need a great big Jesus are usually fantastic at extending really big forgiveness.  Verse 13, “You must make allowance to each other’s faults.”  Now, I’ve told you this before, but if you forget everything else, please remember this.  I promise you one thing, God chose you for each other from eternity past.  That’s the easy part.  Here’s the tricky part.  God has allowed weaknesses, brokenness, and sinfulness in each one of your individual lives.  He’s allowed that to remain to this point to actually bubble up and expose a sinful response in one another.  Sounds crazy, I’m telling you, it’s a God thing.  So Melody, this guy’s brokenness, God’s gonna deal with it.  But it has been ordained to expose your flesh so that you would see your desperate need for Jesus so that you would experience His grace.  And Tray, this woman, as beautiful as she is, is broken and sinful and fallen.  And the specifics of her fallenness, God will deal with it in her life.  But God has ordained them to expose your sin as you meet it in her life.  Your sinful reaction to her sin is so that you will see your desperate need for Christ.  What happens in failed marriages is that people begin to focus on the other person’s sin and not their own sinful reaction to the other person’s sin.  And they begin to say, “Well, I must have made a mistake.  There’s no way God wants me to face this kind of suffering.”  Where does it say that?  God does want us to face our own brokenness as it is surfaced as we engage the brokenness in our spouse.  That’s a tough one, but its truth, and it leads to an experience of grace that is mind boggling.  Forgive as you have been forgiven.

What strikes you about this charge? Are you allowing your spouse’s sin to show you your own desperate need for Christ?

(If you would like to read the full transcript of our ceremony, click HERE.)